xmewithoutyouprojectx

at least it ain't over the same ol' shit.

tired. man. too tired.

are almost perfect.

im so content in a lot of ways.
things are just good. i know they will get harder eventually, but im going to relish in this feeling of peace, no matter how brief.

days like today make me ask, "what happened too all this, man?"

it was weird to hang out with the old apartment crew. but not in a bad way whatsoever! it was actually refreshing. it didnt matter that our lives were out of order or that none of us know what we are really doing, and it probably wouldnt have mattered if we were 40 and in the same position. it was like it never stopped!

i like that feeling!

parties
sleepin
money
friends
hanging out
drinking (the good kind, not the kind that i had been doing the entire month of august)

what a good life.

yes, i am.

but not completely unhappy. which is more than i could say about 2 months ago!

HOLY SHIT THE FEST IS ONLY A MONTH AND A WEEK AWAY!

IM GOING TO FUCKING FREAK OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT

i like things right now.

stop it.

and YOU stop using MY bands for other people.
fuckin' dick. jesus.

three months since i have seen your face.

so it came down to that, and you'd still rather not?

damn.

things arent so bad these days!

or at least have the possibility to get not better, but definitely more tolerable.

which is not the worst thing ever.

omgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgosh

its true.

but i am so ready for things to go back to the way they were a year ago. things were starting to get better, like legitimately looking up. i was still depressed, but at least i could sleep.

this last three month period has just been the absolute lowest point of my life. there has been little blasts of victory, but they get constantly vaporized by the sun, phone calls from home, or family.
its no one thing, though thats what i constantly focus on; its nearly impossible when its staring my in the face almost every day. i am just trying to surrender myself to the fact that its all downhill from here, and that there is no point fighting it, but its extremely difficult.
there were certain things; certain promises that i relied on that were to get me through all of this, and now that i am truly unable to depend anyone but myself, its getting to be a little much to take. im not a perfect man, for sure. but i just realize more than ever that i dont have anything that i can just... place my faith in, and not be disappointed. you know?
its just a shock to the very that ive built my life on.
and im just.... spent.
i know things and the ease of a year ago is never going to be present again, and thats fine. i mean, i guess. i just miss the sights smells, and comfort of home.

its just a really shitty feeling, because up until 2006 i felt completely alienated. no one ever fucking gets me. like, they may understand but completely disagree. i always come across as something im not, and if i dont then its not real. i just have a really hard time with people not understanding anything i do/think/say. its like fucking high school, with better food. its like... i can be in the room with 40 people i know, and still feel completely lonely, because nobody gets what a fucking joke they are.

i tried the whole "every soul is beautiful" thing, but it didnt work out.

oh yeahhhhhh. its the 8th huh? one down and 839 to go. it feels like its been a fucking lifetime.

beers+like 20 old friends+beers+new friends=a really fun nighttttt.

so much to say.



not right now. i wont get it right.

doing much reading anymore.

from now on:
cold chillin, cold chillin.


ps - stop editing.

apparently fucking me over (no pun intended) is the newest craze.

laterrrrrr.

im just now coming to grips with what you really are, and who you have become.

i am drunk and i absolutely love you. more than anything. i dont care where you been at, as long as you come home.